I Blamed My Wife Until I Came Home Early and Saw My Mother’s Secret

I screamed at my wife, u201cWhat kind of mother canu2019t feed her own child?u201d and I meant every single word.

I still hear that sentence in my head, even now.

My name is Daniel, and this is the story of how I nearly destroyed the woman I promised to love forever.

My wife Emily gave birth to our first son, Benjamin, just fifteen days before that terrible morning.

Fifteen days.

And in those fifteen days, I watched the life drain out of her.

Before the delivery, Emily had full cheeks and bright eyes.

She used to laugh at the smallest things, and her smile made our little house in Fairview, Ohio feel warm.

But after we brought Benjamin home from the hospital, something changed.

She became a shadow of herself.

Her cheeks hollowed out.

She walked slowly, with her back bent like an old woman.

Her hands were always cold.

Many nights I found her sitting on the edge of our bed, staring at Benjamin while he cried.

There was a guilt in her eyes so heavy it made me uncomfortable.

u201cI donu2019t have milk, Daniel,u201d she would whisper in a broken voice. u201cI try and I try, but nothing comes.u201d

I did not understand.

Or maybe I did not want to understand.

Benjamin would latch onto her breast and suck desperately for a few seconds.

Then he would pull away, his tiny face red with frustration, screaming like he had been abandoned.

Emily would cry too, but always silently.

She would cover her chest with a light blanket, adjust him, try the other side, and bite her lips until they were almost white.

Nothing.

Or almost nothing.

And instead of holding her, I started blaming her.

u201cEat properly,u201d I told her one night. u201cRest. Every woman can feed her child if she takes care of herself.u201d

I was so ignorant.

I was so cruel.

My mother Nancy was living with us.

She had arrived a week before Benjamin was born, saying she wanted to help.

Nancy was a strong woman with a commanding voice.

She raised three children by herself after my father passed away, and she never let anyone forget it.

u201cA new mother knows nothing,u201d she said the day we brought Emily home. u201cIu2019ll take care of her. You just focus on your job, son.u201d

I believed her.

Every month I gave her $1,000 for household expenses.

That was much more than we normally spent.

I transferred it on the first of each month and told her, u201cMom, buy whatever Emily needs. Soups, chicken, fruit, milk, anything. Make sure she eats well so she can recover.u201d

She would place her hand on my shoulder and smile.

u201cDonu2019t worry, son. Iu2019m taking care of your wife like a queen. I make her chicken soup, fresh vegetables, and warm porridge every single day. Any daughter-in-law would be lucky to have a mother-in-law like me.u201d

I smiled back.

I believed her.

Because she was my mother.

And that was my first act of cowardice.

At home, nothing improved.

Benjamin cried every single night.

Emily tried to breastfeed, failed, and then cried quietly.

She wanted to give him formula, but my mother always objected.

u201cFormula is too expensive,u201d Nancy would say with a wave of her hand. u201cIf she tries harder, the milk will come. In my day, there was no such thing as formula, and babies still grew strong.u201d

Emily lowered her head every time.

Soon I started repeating the same thing without even realizing it.

u201cListen to my mother,u201d I told her one night. u201cShe knows better than both of us.u201d

Emily looked at me with tearful eyes.

u201cIu2019m trying, Daniel,u201d she said. u201cIu2019m really trying.u201d

u201cThen try harder,u201d I replied.

That sentence broke her.

I saw it happen.

I saw her shrink, as if an invisible hand had squeezed her heart.

But Benjamin kept crying, and I covered my face with the pillow, furious at life, at the noise, at my wife, at everything except the one person who truly deserved my anger.

One early morning, after nearly an hour of nonstop crying, I snapped.

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