Every dollar I had spent on his heating.
And I would feel something ugly twist inside me.
Our first child, Matthew, was born in our third year of marriage.
I came home from the hospital sore and bleeding and terrified.
Walter did not even get up from his recliner to look at the baby.
He just lifted his blue mug and said, “He’s small.”
Two years later, our daughter Alice came along.
By then, I was so tired I barely recognized myself in the mirror.
My hands were cracked.
My hair had gray streaks before I turned forty.
I asked Walter to watch Alice while I ran to the grocery store one Tuesday afternoon.
He shook his head.
“I’m too old,” he said. “I can’t run after little ones.”
So I bundled Alice in a secondhand stroller and pushed her through the cold winter wind.
My tears froze on my cheeks before I reached the corner.
Daniel never said a word against his father.
Not one word.
When I tried to talk to him at night, he would sigh and turn toward the wall.
“He’s old, Clara. He gave me life. What do you want me to do?”
What did I want?